As We Grow: Hetalia AU (USUK)
by Tortugasychurros
Summary: Arthur and Alfred are starting their Junior year of high school and are ready for some awesome fun, but all is stopped when they realize that all of their friends have started dating except for them. Will the two best friends crack under the pressure as well as the shipping of Elizabeta and Kiku?
1. Chapter 1

**Alfred's POV **

Everything was perfect in Elementary school. No one bothered with relationships. Our biggest concern was what was on the lunch menu or the newest Pokémon episode. It's the truth, simple, basic, and unrefined. It never needed to be refined anyway. We were all true and refined as crystal when it came to our outlooks on life.

As middle and high school came about, we slowly found puberty and explored how far our emotions would take us. Some of us started to fall as victims to an early adulthood, mistakes that children should never make. Still, we all had each other and that's what mattered. That is what kept all of us from horrible endings during a time that you couldn't pay me all of the money in the world to go back to.

I thought those horrible endings would always stay away.

It was freshman year that I realized I was horribly mistaken.

**Arthur's POV **

_This year is it_. Arthur thought, moving about his room with pure excitement. He bounded through his closet, picking up his typical sweater vest and bow tie. They were perfectly pleated, organized, despite the scattered mind of the British boy. He smiled and didn't feel as scared as he should for starting Junior year. _Maybe_, he thought, _It's because I finally have friends to start the year with?_ He just kept his face beaming as the fairies of his reality, and everyone else's fantasy, helped him with his hair.

After feeling as ready as ever, he grabbed his notebook and started sliding down the railing of the enormous, loud house.

"Arthur!" He heard from below. "Let's go before I turn your insides into pudding!" The blonde pulled a weird facial expression, but was used to the quirks that came with his sister, Carlin. She was waiting at the bottom of the mahogany staircase, her red hair entangled with a bleach blonde in designer clothes. Their embrace was extremely intimate, almost perverse to the fifteen year old.

"Bonjour, Arthur." The French man parted his embrace just partially to greet the younger male.

"Good morning, Francis." Arthur smiled at his frenemy, a person of friendship but also demise. Arthur felt his feelings were just. The man is dating his sister after all. He has to remain alert around the passionate Frenchie.

The three drove in laughs and happiness, a perfect and typical morning. Arthur realized he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy their company. As they made their commute to the other side of the city, Arthur dug through his backpack for a small, worn, leather notebook. _This book_ he thought, _has been my truest of companions since I moved here last year_. He started to narrate in his mind, smiling as he flipped through the pages. _When I came to New York from Britain, I thought I would never make any friends. I was happily mistaken as I was swept into the arms of some of the weirdest, dramatic people I had ever met. _

He continued this narration, walking in a daze from homeroom to his first two classes. Both of them didn't have any of his friends, unsurprisingly. This school was decently sized, and Arthur's schedule was also messed up slightly from the switch in curriculum. Either way, he saw this as an excuse to continue walking about in his mind. He couldn't wait to see how they had grown. Sure, they tried to meet up during the break, but most of them had summer assignments, training for sports, or just lived across the city. Just the week before school started, he saw his friend Kiku, the only person to actually live within biking distance to him, and the one he depended on for sanity after being trapped in a crowded British household.

The two sat and talked over lunch as Arthur did his trademark flip through the pages of his notebook, somehow gaining something through that. Kiku laughed faintly, looking to his friend.

"What's that face supposed to mean?" Arthur smiled.

"You're zoning out again." Kiku met Arthur's green eyes, a delicate smile playing on his lips.

"Aren't I always?" Arthur relaxed, placing the book protectively on his lap.

"Yes, but it's funny. It is like you are switching between worlds with that journal in hand." Kiku muttered, trying to remain respectful while getting his point across.

"I use it to bring myself back down to reality."

"And you also keep tabs on everyone." Kiku muttered, just loud enough for it to be more than a whisper.

"Who told you that?" Arthur clasped his hand over his mouth, angry for admitting it.

"No one needed to. I watch how you write about everyone. It's like a diary without your own emotions in it."

"I just think that everyone would want to watch as they grow." Arthur muttered, feeling guilty.

"Uh huh," Kiku smiled, returning to his sushi.

"So what if I keep tabs? So what if I focus on everything?" Arthur murmured to himself, looking around the crowded lunch tables. The normally intimidating scene didn't scare him today as he went to sit down in the spot that his friends had all picked out at orientation. He kept his eyes down to his notes from his first two classes, allowing himself to zone out in his drawings and writings of worlds so far away from New York.

"Hey, you're kind of in my spot." Arthur looked up hesitatingly at the tall, blonde, and beautiful jock that stood before him, his varsity jacket allowing him to blend in the crowd of red and gold. He admitted he felt the slightest fear looking at the well-built boy, despite knowing him since birth.

"Oh am I?" Arthur smiled, continuing to sip tea from a travel mug. "Well, I'm sorry, sir, but this seat is reserved especially for a friend of mine." Arthur stood up, the tip of his disheveled blonde hair meeting the top of the boy's sapphire eyes. "Funny, you look a lot like him." The boy smiled.

"Oh, well that must be pure coincidence." He laughed, looking around at the slowly approaching American football players.

"Hey, are you ready to go, Jones?" a larger, older boy with stubble surrounding his face approached the two, feeling surprise as he looked down with a smirk at the bow tied, British gentleman.

"Um, uh" The boy looked back to Arthur, a sorry smile spreading across his lips. "Yeah," He waved to the boy as he ran away with the rest of the team.

"Yeah, coincidence." Arthur sighed with a feeling of betrayal. "Bye, Alfred."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I walked away from Arthur, immediately regretting what I had done. I knew it was wrong to leave him alone. I was scared to leave him there. I didn't even stay with my team for longer than five minutes, but when I went back to find him, he was gone. Not one of our friends had shown up to sit with him.

Man, how times have changed.

Instead, I found them scattered around the courtyard, split in pairs, something that didn't happen until last year. When did we become couples instead of one big group? When did our relationships begin to define us so much? The only couple I can say I approve of is Lovino, this bitter Italian kid, with Antonio, a Spaniard that moved here in the sixth grade and was one of my first buddies. They aren't even out of the closet except to our group and I respect that. They aren't flamboyant in their love, like Romano would let that happen, but still need each other.

The two were wandering aimlessly around the school garden, eating and picking tomatoes. Toni glanced up first, smiling and gesturing for me to come down there.

"Hola, mi amigo!" He smiled "

"Dude, I'm taking French." I smirked "and only because I need to. Can't this school be patriotic and offer something more American? Why can't I take Cherokee or something?"

"Because there are less than eight thousand speakers in ONLY the United States, ignorant bastard." Lovino bit into his tomato, not missing a beat. I glared at him and allowed my inner, so-called 'sassiness' that I have show. Arthur tells me I am sassy a lot and- oh God.

Arthur. RIGHT! STAY FOCUSED, ALFRED.

"So I'm looking for Arthur, as well as the rest of our group. What happened to meeting at the table like we planned?" I drew my attention back to Antonio who was trying, and not succeeding, to pull Lovino into a hug.

"Oh wow, I must've completely forgot! With soccer training already starting for the spring, I couldn't remember a thing from orientation. Shoot, we should go find him." Antonio was sweet, and a great friend when you needed him.

"No need. I'll find him myself. I actually pulled a move earlier that wasn't exactly the friendliest. You just round up the rest of the group."

"Will do. Come on, Lovi." I watched the two set off on their mission, Lovino muttering curse words as Antonio half dragged him to the other edge of the courtyard.

Arthur's POV

Arthur walked slowly down the hallway. He wasn't that hungry anyways and the library looked like a nice place to take refuge in. As he approached the white column entrance, he felt a bit of peace but unsettlement as the loneliness crept up on him once more.

Shaking it off, he walked in with a sense of pride, looking at the librarian with a friendly smile. He had tried to come here often in order to finish his summer reading and just as a way to spend some quiet time over the break. They knew him well and as he took his usual spot in the back lounge area, he tried to become content with the isolation.

He held his journal in front of him, ready to open and write a million new things about Alfred.

"Liar," he muttered, "Traitor," a tear fell down his cheek, "Dishonest git." He didn't understand why he was so badly hurt. Everyone ditched him, sure, but Alfred? He opened the book and wrote down the first L-I before hearing a large slam and a beautiful laugh that echoed through the library.

"Arthur? Arthur?" He heard the whispers through the bookshelves. "Arthur where are you? I know you have to be in here, I know my Iggy." Arthur closed the journal and tried to place it down by his feet, hitting his head on the table when leaning down.

"Shit." He muttered not so much because of the pain but because-

"THERE'S MY IGGY."

"Oh no." he immediately felt strong muscular arms scoop him up without a second thought and pinning him to his chair. Arthur turned to look at his captor but was only captured once more by the depth in his ocean blue eyes. They were the liveliest things he has ever laid his eyes on and somehow they always managed to make him feel better.

"Listen, I'm sorry about ditching you. I felt bad as soon as I made the decision but when I came back you were gone!" Arthur put his head in his hands and just listened to him speak. His voice was always soothing to Arthur, a friendly voice that he depended on to get him through the darkest times.

In all honesty the dependency has always been that way. Arthur has known Alfred since he was born. Their parents have always been extremely close, business partners, and were dubbed the godparents of each other's children. When Arthur was living in Britain, Alfred would come up often to visit, given his parents traveled there constantly. Arthur, being a bit older, would often care for the boy like he would for his younger siblings. Eventually, the visits stopped, as Alfred's mother grew ill, and it wasn't until her passing, and the move that Arthur made to NYC, that Arthur realized his feelings for Alfred had changed dramatically.

When he returned in the seventh grade, Alfred had grown several inches taller than him, his face as delicate as a doll, but also smeared with dirt as he was always outside playing sports. Throughout middle school, the entire group went through their demons and conquered them one by one with the help of another. Even Antonio, one of the most happy-go-lucky members of the group had to go through the death of his parents and bankruptcy of his family soon afterwards. The only person who hadn't was Alfred, but when confronted about it he would just say he is the hero and then change the subject.

When Arthur fought his demons, Alfred was there every time to make sure nothing bad happened. In all honesty, Alfred was his hero. Now, he depended on him even though he didn't want to.

"It's fine, Alfred." Arthur muttered picking up his journal and starting to head out the door. He gasped as Alfred grabbed both of his wrists, putting his face just a few inches from his own.

"Iggy, were you crying?"

"No!" He broke away from the other's grip, sliding back down in his chair.

"You know you can never hold back when crying in front of me." Alfred got down on his knees; putting his hand up to Arthur's face as a tear fell.

"I was just sad because of you leaving, bloody wanker." He got out of Alfred's grip, and hid his face, trying to keep himself from breaking down. He had gotten in the habit of doing it but no more! Freshman year would start the new Arthur; A new person who doesn't have fresh cuts on his arms, doesn't cry when someone leaves him, and most of all doesn't depend on Alfred F. Jones for counseling.

Before the conversation could continue, a bustling crowd of weird children came running through, most of them hand in hand with another. A boy within that group, with dark chocolate brown hair in a classy style came running up to the two.

"Come on losers, we are going to the school shop!"

"Wha- why?" Alfred said as he started being pulled by the boy.

"It's where the others are! Hurry up!" Alfred grabbed Arthur by the hand, making Arthur blush, as they were hauled out of the library.

_I will not depend on Alfred F. Jones. _

_ No. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

We sat Indian-style, placed around the room in a disfigured circle. I noticed that even with all of us in one place, we still managed to sit by couple. This, of course, left me to sit next to Iggy, quite possibly the only other single in the entire group.

"I'll have to admit this is much better than the cafeteria," Gilbert said, taking a bite of his bratwurst, one arm stretched around, to my distaste, my twin brother, Mattie. They were directly in front of me, making me want to puke in my mouth. Gilbert is one of my best friends, but coming out of the closet this summer without telling me beforehand that he had been dating my brother for almost a year, kind of made me feel betrayed. I mean, I really don't know what being betrayed feels like, but that seemed pretty damn close.

I stretched my legs out reaching almost a foot away from where Mattie sat. The room itself was decently small for the fourteen of us. Roderich and Elizaveta sat behind the counter, making room for the rest of us. They were running the shop so it isn't like they had a choice. Apparently the lack of business in addition to having the connection of them managing the place made for a flawless, secretive club.

"Ja, much better." Ludwig said next to him, with a little Italian perched on his lap. While I respect the fact that the two of them were the first to date in our group, I despise the fact that they refuse to come out of the closet. Or well, Ludwig does. It isn't like nobody knows. When Feliciano accidentally slipped it to the group, not one us was in shock. They spend every waking moment together and Feli is often clinging to Ludwig just to get through the hallway. Ludwig is on the football team with me, and when confronted about the relationship told me he was scared because of what our teammates may do to him. I called him a coward and he never retaliated afterwards. We've haven't been on the best terms since then.

"I still feel bad for forgetting about Arthur." Toni ruffled Iggy's messy blonde hair before quickly returning to his Italian, who was being forced to sit on his lap. Lovino tried to break free in the split second window, but was hastily detained once more by his boyfriend. Finally giving up, he relaxed and put his head in his hands. Toni nuzzled his face into the back of Lovino's head, whispering something that sounded like "Ti Amo," causing the boy to look up in an immediate, tomato-red blush. Taking the opportunity, the Spaniard put a light kiss to other's lips, causing him to go to an even brighter red, and instigate a series of D'awhs around the room.

Even more embarrassed, Lovino rapidly retreated by turning away from the group and putting his head on Antonio's shoulder, muttering something along the lines of "You fucking tomato bastard."

I smiled before turning to Iggy and flattening his hair down gently, probably keeping my blue eyes with his electric green a little too long. Kiku looked over at the two of us, grinning with Heracles napping on his shoulder. I felt his stare peering in on me as I slowly removed my hand from Iggy's head. I met his gaze and as the silence grew, I couldn't help but notice the slightest stare of everyone in the room.

"What are you guys looking at?" I said, leaning shoulder to shoulder with Iggy.

"Anything you wish you share with the group, Alfred?" Roderich said, eyeing me weirdly.

"I thought something was going on between you two!" Francis smirked

"I ship it" Elizaveta was leaning on her arm, smiling behind the counter.

"You and Arthur are so perfect, congrats!" Italy bounced up in down on Ludwig's lap, making the blonde man blush insanely.

"What the fuck is this, Gay Lovers Anonymous?" I exclaimed perhaps a little too loud for it made Heracles wake up from his nap.

"Not necessarily, I suppose we just assumed." Mattie murmured

"W-what that we are like the rest of you? O-of course not!" Iggy spoke up, stuttering a bit, but still holding his ground.

"I'm sure we're all sorry, brother. I guess we just finally wanted you two to find someone and honestly…it works." Carlin smiled from her spot with Francis in the corner.

"New OTP."

"Elizaveta, you're such a fangirl." Kiku smiled, high fiving her from where he sat.

"Guys, no, I mean, that would never. I just-no." I got up to leave, furious that they would create that tension, enraged that friends couldn't just be friends. As I walked, I knew lunch had to be nearly over by this point, but I had study hall anyway so what the hell does it matter. I started to head to the track to blow off some steam. _In truth, I wanted to find Iggy and have him rattle on about the pettiness of his problems. _I thought.

On second thought, I walked past the track to the huge clock tower, above the library, with a fire escape concealed inside, and ran up the stairs to the top.

_I wanted to comfort him and hold him, watch as he cried in my shoulder and looked at me like I was a hero._

The sun was in the perfect spot, creating a nice cool area perched on a dangerous ledge with the smallest bar to hold me in.

_He would finish crying eventually and fit his head perfectly into my neck. Then, only in my dreams, he would move his beautifully shaped face to mine and-_

This is why I should've never gone to lunch in the first place.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"I'm sorry," was the last thing Arthur wanted to hear after Alfred stormed out of the room. He looked over to Antonio as he whispered this, Lovino peering out from his spot on the other's shoulder to give a 'Lovino-ish' sympathetic look. Arthur looked down at his shoes and tried to fight back tears as the bell rang and the group left without another word.

"Come on, what do you have next?" Toni reached down a helping hand that Arthur unhesitatingly took.

"S-Study Hall." He blubbered, just wanting to run away. Lovino knew that Arthur had feelings for Alfred, which meant Toni knew also. It wasn't that Arthur trusted either of them to openly admit he had feelings, or even trusted himself to admit he had feelings in general, but rather both of them just knew. Lovino saw the way Arthur looked at Alfred all the time and confronted him at one point about it. Arthur of course got defensive, which just made Lovino laugh, call him a lying bastard, and say that was all the confirmation he needed.

"Cool, you get some time to relax. Lovi and I both have art so we will probably have to leave. Either way, I am sorry, Arthur. I'm sure he will come around." On that note he turned around to run down the hallway hand in hand with Lovino.

"I doubt it," Arthur mumbled, walking outside. He looked around at the open track and field, the library adjacent to it with…was that Alfred? Arthur looked up to see him, sitting on the ledge of the library tower. No one else seemed to notice him, but that's just because Arthur naturally had the ability to see him from a mile away.

He debated for a moment on whether or not to go up and see him, but realized he had to. Who else would he turn to for comfort? Alfred is his comforter, his rock, and his best friend. If he didn't have him at least for that, life would appear pointless.

As he walked up the fire escape, he remained deep in thought, thinking only about Alfred. It was because of that, that he didn't even notice the fire extinguisher that was out of place on the top step; and he didn't have enough time to think about what was happening before he slipped, fell, and was quickly knocked unconscious by it.

Swimming in that peaceful darkness that everyone always mentions in his favorite novels, Arthur saw Alfred.

Arthur's POV continued

_This darkness,_ he thought, _I've been trying to get to this for so long and now I'm finally here._ He felt like he was swimming in a pool of warmth, a light comfort. All through middle school this is what he has been trying to achieve and now here it was. All he ever wanted was the ability to escape the real world. He achieved this through his imaginary characters and Alfred. Always Alfred. He felt like he was flying whenever that git was around.

His gentle touch despite his size

His accidental ignorance and yet the ability to try something new at random times

His smile that seemed to be eternally plastered on his face

His ability to care for someone even if he doesn't understand why they are upset

All of these things top the endless list of reasons why Arthur loved Alfred. Sure, there was also a "Reasons Alfred Annoys the Fuck Out of Me" list, but it was easily crushed under the loving reasons of the prior.

If he were dead, the one thing he would miss from the Earth would be Alfred. He pondered for what seemed like hours on whether he would go to heaven and how Alfred would surely be an angel. He wondered if he would be able to love him in heaven, then quickly decided not to think about it for the sake of not wanting to damper his dream.

"Arthur," He felt himself jump with shock at the voice, looking around the blackness. "Arthur, please be okay." The voice was so soothing and yet in distress. It sounded like Alfred's.

_That's right_, he thought _I still have Alfred. I can't die, not yet at least._ _I'm not ready to watch him from afar. _

It's amazing what the will of a person will do to change the fate of a fall from severe hospital visit versus a small bruise.

Arthur felt himself slowly regain consciousness and as he opened his eyes, he found himself gazing into a gem, an ocean of beauty. His eyes were peering down on him with the most genuine concern, his strong arms wrapped completely around him, caressing his hair.

"Alfred," he muttered, still only half conscious, the walls of the fire escape circling around him.

"Thank God, Arthur. Are you okay?" Alfred brought the boy even closer to him, supporting his head as if he were an infant or the world's most delicate doll.

"Now that you're here," he chuckled madly to himself, beaming up at the American.

"You must have hit your head really hard," Alfred gained a pained look to his face but shrugged it off with his great, ever-present smile.

"Mhm" He muttered pushing his head onto Alfred's chest. "Can we leave here, Alfie?"

"Where do you want to go, Iggy?" Alfred laughed standing up in the fire escape, holding the older boy bridal style.

"Anywhere…as long as you're there." And with that Arthur felt himself fall under a light sleep against the perfect beat of Alfred's heart.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Alfred's POV **

He looked so calm, so peaceful, and…so beautiful when he was sleeping. I couldn't help but notice.

I sat him on the couch in the living room, giving him as much comfort as possible. His head was placed precariously on my lap, a pillow in between us. It wasn't like I wanted him there or anything…I don't need to comfort him.

But those words…

"Hey, Alfie," I heard a soft voice, meaning Mattie, as the door opened. Was school out already? How had we wasted so much time sitting in silence?

"Hey, Mattie," I replied, as soft as a dude like me can muster. "How was school?"

"Fine wher-whoa…" He looked over me with confusion at first, which was then replaced with a sinister smile. It was something I normally didn't see on Mattie. His confidence has grown since he started dating Gil but even now, I had never seen a smile so devilish. "Why is Arthur here. Alfred, what did you do?"

"Why do you assume it's my fault?"

"Hey, babe, you guys are out of Coke, but I found some root beer…Whoa. Alfred what did you do?" Gilbert walked out of the kitchen next to Mattie. He held two root beers in hand and nearly dropped them at the sight of Iggy and me on the couch.

"First, how the hell are we out of Coke? And second, why do you assume I did something?!" I yelled slightly and felt Arthur stir, curling up into my abdomen. I put my hand on his hair, subconsciously playing with it as I spoke.

"Look, he fell down the fire escape in the library. It knocked him unconscious." I stated, looking down at Arthur like he was the world's finest treasure.

"And you didn't take him to the hospital? Alfred, he could be really hurt."

"He woke up within a few minutes of me finding him and spoke clearly. I'm familiar with sports injuries…and…and…" I stuttered, bringing Arthur as close to me as possible. They would never tear him away from me.

"And you didn't trust the doctors with him again, did you?"

"They're not going to touch him."

"Alfie we talked about this."

"Leave, Mattie. He will wake up by the time Dad gets home."

"I would hope so considering Dad called…He won't be home for another month. Issues at the base."

"Fine." It wasn't like I cared that I hadn't seen my Father since our "graduation" from Middle School. It would never matter as long as I had Mattie and Arthur.

"Gil and I are going to go up to my room to talk and I'll probably watch him play Xbox. Cool?"

"Cool. Just don't have sex or anything. Otherwise, I kill the Prussian bastard." I glared into the crimson eyes of my brother's boyfriend. He knows how strong I am. I nearly beat him to a pulp when Mattie came home from a party at the Vargas house. He was walking funny so I beat Gil up and then was forced to apologize because APPARENTLY their family owns horses and Gil wasn't even there.

I call bullshit.

"One day you're a best friend, the next, a Prussian bastard." Gil laughed. He and I have hung out since everything happened but it just hasn't been the same. Our Xbox live parties are just one dead line of awkward.

They left me then, off to their world of wonder and happiness. I felt Arthur stir again, putting his arms up and around me. How he even sensed what he was doing is beyond me. Maybe he has feelings for me?

Phst. As if.

Arthur's POV

What is that? Is that a humming sound? Arthur opened his eyes slowly to find Alfred, above him, half asleep from what it looked like. He was humming some song from Broadway or a rock band most likely, looking up at the ceiling. Arthur felt a calloused but soft hand caress his hair. When it hit him, his first instinct was to jump, move away from the comfort.

"Gah!" He shouted, sitting up. He looked around, trying to process what was going on.

"Iggy, are you okay?!" Alfred instinctively moved closer to him, his arms outstretched.

"Of course I am, you wanker. Why the bloody hell am I in here? Where are we?" Arthur's vision was still a little blurred and the light was dimmed, or was it nighttime already? He couldn't tell.

"My house…are you sure you're okay?" Alfred put his hand to Arthur's forehead, avoiding the bruise.

"YES" He got up but quickly collapsed at the shakiness of his knees. Alfred caught him in his arms, cradling him like earlier today.

"What are you doing? PUT ME DOWN." Alfred continued to hold him there for a while. He never realized how much he enjoyed having Arthur near him.

"You need to rest." Alfred spoke plainly, protectively. Arthur knew he wouldn't win already.

"I need to go home" he gave one final attempt.

"I already called your Mom. I told her you are spending the night. You need to get a break from those loud siblings of yours. You'll get a headache." Arthur sighed, he couldn't lie about how relieved he was at that. He needed a quiet night anyway.

"Can you at least put me down? This is rather uncomfortable."

"Funny, you didn't think it was uncomfortable earlier." Alfred laughed, almost painfully. His smile was still there, but it looked forced.

"What are you talking about?" Arthur gulped. What did he say? Did he reveal that he liked Alfred? Did he do one of those stupid subconscious things?

"In the fire escape? I carried you like this all the way back here. Well, not entirely. You woke up slightly and stood up in order for us to get off campus. But as soon as we were through the office, you asked me to pick you back up and carry you. You even used some very nice words of persuasion.

Yep, he did.

"I don't remember any of that. I must have been out of my mind." Arthur placed his hand on Alfred's chest, as he looked down at him, teary eyed.

"Yeah, out of your mind." Alfred sat down on the couch, keeping Arthur close to him. He nuzzled his nose into Arthur's hair, not thinking that the boy was fully conscious, meaning a slap in the face was coming. He knew it.

But the slap didn't come. Arthur stayed still.

"Alfred?" He asked.

"Yes," He stated.

"Yes what?"

"Yes."

"I didn't ask anything yet, you git."

"Well whatever it is…it's yes. Unless the correct answer is no." Alfred closed his eyes and leaned back on the couch until he was fully asleep against Arthur's body. Arthur tried to move but realized he was once again being held captive to Alfred's strong, teddy bear hold.

He collapsed into the grasp of the bigger boy and inhaled his wonderful smell. No matter how young Alfred was, he always had the same All-American scent. It had a mix of Coffee, Old Spice, and something sweet like apple pie. Arthur could never get enough.

The blonde shook his head, causing a stifled giggle to come out of the American's mouth as his hair rubbed against the other's nose. Arthur couldn't let this happen. He knew Alfred didn't like him like this. From the very beginning, Alfred always told him he was "just a hugger" along with being a gentle, loving person that has a tough, protective side no one sees. A lot of times Alfred would always get called a flirt when really he was just trying to be nice to someone. Arthur remembered all of those times and would convince himself that Alfred treated him differently.

He can't be led on like that again.

All it will do is lead him back to that darkness. Arthur observed a small slit on his wrist. It was covered completely by his shirt sleeve and looked like a simple kitchen accident…even if it was the first of many to come…

In truth, all of his friends in happiness only made him feel worse, despite always wanting to be happy for them. In truth, Alfred was his light, hope, and rock. He saved Arthur's life the first time he got depressed. Last night was his first relapse and Alfred was the thought that wouldn't leave his mind. Arthur fell asleep against Alfred, tears misting his eyes.

He woke up in the middle of the night. 2 am, just the right time.

"I'm sorry, Alfred. I can't. This is a dream come true, but I can't."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Alfred's POV

When I awoke, I searched the house high and low for Arthur. I felt as though I needed to call the police, the FBI, the CIA, even M15 or whatever...in case he decided to run off to Britain.

In reality, he had just gone home. He apologized later that day and said he had just felt really weird and felt like he needed to be home. He blamed it on the medicine for his head, even though I hadn't given him any.

I won't lie and say I wasn't sad. Him doing that hurt more than when my coach told me I wasn't allowed to eat any cheeseburgers around my teammates because I was the only one not gaining weight. You have no idea how much that hurts me, do you?

Either way, as the year went on things seemed to get back to normal. We started to use the school shop as our everyday hangout and no one mentioned the possibility of a relationship between Iggy and myself. No one even joked about it anymore. It was difficult, seeing all of our friends together and then the two of us just being there. I wanted to use it as an excuse. I wanted to get closer to him. I made the decision the night I had him in my arms. Now, it seems like he is only getting further away.

He looks paler, sadder, though he puts it off as nothing. I see the dark circles and I see him falling asleep in class. I know he isn't doing well and all I want to do at this point is grab him, hold him, and ask him how to make things better.

Now we are in the last day before Christmas Break, and Arthur isn't here. Of course I'm not going to school if he's not there! I need to go find a Brit and be his hero!

Before first period even started, I got the feeling and prepared myself to become Super Alfred. Then, I saw Arthur in the Library, his usual spot. I facepalmed at my stupidity. Naturally, he is in there. It is his habitat.

I ran into the library, dodging books and overachievers as I slid into the back of the reading area, slamming right into the table Iggy was sitting at.

"Whoa! Watch where you're…Oh, Alfred."

"Iggy! Thank god I was so worried!" I got up and hugged him around the shoulders. He wasn't reading after all, but napping…this just worried me even more and caused me to thicken my grip on him.

"Why? You don't have a reason to be!" He mumbled from my grasp, pushing himself away.

"Maybe I just care for you?" I said, letting go and getting down on my knees in order to be eye-to-eye with him.

"It's not your responsibility too! I don't depend on you, Alfred." Those last words hurt. I liked that he depended on me. It made me feel important to this world. Hearing that, made me think that he is going to leave me.

Maybe I'm his problem.

"Yeah, but…I" I tried to come up with words, but failed. After a few seconds of silence, Arthur picked up his things and stood in front of me.

"I need to go." He murmured and then walked off. I didn't chase after him. I'm his problem. That's what it is. He doesn't want me around. I must be the thing that is making my beloved Iggy sick…

"Hola Mi Amigo! Are you okay?" Five minutes had passed and I still hadn't moved from that spot.

"Toni, I need your help."

"That's something new. It's Arthur isn't it?"

"Something's wrong but I can't see it. What's going on? Why can't I make things better? Am I the reason…"

"Come with me. I'll help you." He said, cutting off the silence. He dragged me up another fire escape to a window, which led us to the roof of the cafeteria. We sat in silence for a moment until he decided to start.

"It was early last year. I knew I was in love with Lovi. I knew that no matter what, I would love him to the end of time. It felt so weird for me to admit that to myself, especially at fourteen. However, when I finally did, he was off in his own world. I saw his health diminish before my very own eyes and suddenly my presence wasn't enough to make him better. One day, I saw IT. I didn't know how to help, so I didn't. I was just there. I kissed away the scars and I listened to him when he was sad."

"And now he's MY tomato bastard and I haven't gone into a major relapse since then." Lovino came up behind me, happily holding Toni's hand. The two looked so comfortable and loving to each other in their own 'special' way. I wanted to be holding Arthur's hand like that…

"How? How could that work?" I said anxiously at the thought of being with Arthur and making him better. Lovi sighed and sat next to me, showing of a series of scars on his upper arm. Being Italian and being in short sleeves, I suppose he didn't want to go any lower.

"Sometimes, knowing someone is there, and knowing how much that person cares for you isn't enough to keep you from the darkness. However, knowing that that person you love will chase after you and will kiss the scars you have rather than asking you to make them go away is the perfect way to help. Look, I know what Arthur is going through. I know how he is feeling."

"Wow…" I murmured

"What?"

"You just got through four sentences without cursing."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT YOU FUCKING INSENSITIVE BASTARD!" He slapped me on the back of the head.

"Sorry, you're right. I need to care for him. I just know chasing after him is pointless. I know he doesn't like me in that way and I do. I do so much. I feel like I'm his problem…"

"Alfred, did you ever think that mayb- ow-Hng-Nn!" Lovino moved his hand to Toni's mouth and quickly substituted it for his lips. Toni, seeming shocked by the movement, quickly melted into the kiss and they remained there.

They kind of forgot I was there…

"Alright, well, you two just…okay…I'm gonna go…thanks, you guys!" I ran off then, quickly down the stairs to my next class. It was Algebra 2 with Iggy!...

Oh, with Iggy…

"Alfred, stop please." I forgot I had been staring at him, captivated by his perfect face that seemed so sad. He blushed a bit, making me feel good inside. I shook the butterflies from my stomach. My determination stands firm.

"Iggy, I can't. I want to know what's wrong. I want to know why you are so sick!" I put my arms out, expecting him to collapse into them like always. He didn't and my heart sank.

"I'm not sick, you git. I'm just tired. I've been taking care of Peter is all." He put his head in his hands.

"For three months?" I took my hand and brushed it through his hair. For a second he seemed relaxed but quickly pulled away.

"Um…" He murmured, panicking

"I'm not as dense as you think." I turned away from him, feeling tears well up in my eyes.

"I know…" He said as the bell rang. He packed up his stuff and left the room before I could even bother to reply.

Something is seriously wrong.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I went home that day to find my Father sitting on the couch; he had a smile on his face. It was one that would never resemble mine, but was always genuine and amazing.

"Alfred! My boy!" He looked like he had been waiting for me. I approached hesitatingly. My father, while caring, is also large in stature and has the muscle mass of a twenty-year old despite his middle aged reality. His hair was dusked with gray and I was reminded of how long it had been since we had one of our little talks…

…and how much I hated them.

"Hey, Dad." I smiled sitting next to him, looking around for my silent twin. "Um, where's Mattie?"

"Off with that boyfriend of his I presume. I got to meet Gilbert in a new setting today. Matthew introduced him to me. I never realized he was a homosexual." He didn't look disappointed or proud as much as distant. He shrugged it off as no big deal. It scared me.

"Yeah," I murmured.

"But that's okay! He is who he is and I'll accept it…even though it is just a phase. " He laughed

"What?" I replied, shaking my head. I realized that for some teenagers maybe, but even Mom could see that Mattie was gay back when he was ten!

"Well obviously it is! But enough with that! How is my amazing boy? You must be landing all of the girls I assume? How are your grades? Football? Tell me everything. I feel like I haven't talked to you in ages!" He bombarded me with questions I didn't want to answer, throwing me back into the couch.

"My grades are great! Straight A's just like you always ask for and Football is great as well. Coach had to ask me to stop eating cheeseburgers in front of the other team members though…Mainly because they were mimicking my diet and gaining weight while I was gained muscle." I was going to continue on how I was grateful for this because I learned how to eat a little healthier, when he cut me off.

"Oh those wimps. You're a winner, Alfred. Our family is a line of winners and you will be too."

"Of course, Dad." I've heard this all before. My great-grandfather was one of the first football players, my grandfather was a navy seal in the top of his class, my father was valedictorian and a lady-killer. In fact, all of them were straight, all successful, and all planned on having me follow in their footsteps.

"But what about the ladies? Do you guys have some sort of freshman dance this year?" He looked excited and hesitant, as though he didn't want to be disappointed.

"We have the Sadie Hawkins dance as well as a Spring Formal that freshmen are allowed to go to, but I don't think I would end up taking a girl."

"Don't tell me you're a homo just like your little brother." He was blunt and monotone in one strict sentence.

"I-I no! of course not!" I laughed loudly, showing my huge smile that was so fake…everything was.

"Good because it is all a phase, Alfred, I'm telling you."

_My happiness is the fucking phase, Dad_.

"Yes,"  
"Hey, do you need to tell me something? You look down." My Dad brought his arm around me and squeezed me into a hug. He really meant well despite the ignorance, arrogance, and overall temper issue. I reminded myself to always hold my tongue.

"No, of course not." I lied.

"Matthew told me what's been happening to you. You do realize you can always talk to me about it."

"What do you mean?" I said, frightened of the millions of things Mattie COULD have told him.

"I know you're still scared to go to the Doctor. I know you've been talking to yourself again." I sighed in relief. This was an easy topic to avoid. He's been talking to me about this since I was a little boy.

"The doctor thing will pass. It's just some things from when Mom died. That's all." I said with a smile

"and the talking?" he pestered.

"So what if I'm lonely." I shrugged

"You'll grow out of it I'm sure. You're the perfect son after all." He looked like he wanted to ask further but the worrisome look faded, replaced with a smile.

"Thanks Dad." I smiled and excused myself.

I ran up to my room after that, planning to leave him alone to finish some work. When I got up there, I turned on my music as loud as I could and slid down the doorframe, my head hitting the knob on the way down.

_Good_.

In truth, I've always been alone. Loneliness is the thing that kills me every time. I was never like Arthur where he had real life imaginary friends, but I had voices. They taunted me and told me I was never good enough. They told me I was fat and that my Father would always favor Mattie. They told me that even though Matthew is the passive one, everyone prefers him.

_That's why one of your best friends is dating him after all. _

_ You fat ass, look what you've done. _

_ Now Arthur can't even stand to be around you. _

_ I bet it is only a matter of time before you cause everyone more pain. _

_ You damn burden. _

I've never been one for cutting, too messy, but a bruise is creative. It is a mark that can easily be covered up with football as an excuse. Most of the time football is nearly enough to allow me to feel what I want to feel. Pain makes it better. It makes the lines blend together between how much of a horrible person I am, and it allows the voices to take what harm they please on my body.

I started letting tears flow down my face as the thoughts ganged up on me. No one expects this to come from me, ever. I am Alfred F. Jones, the happy, talented, somewhat dense boy that annoys people whenever he gets the chance. I'm great at hiding what mental scars I have, enough to where I can focus on the possible mental problems of my best friend.

…_Even if I am the problem._

That was the trigger as I pulled my hair and banged my head against the wall once or twice until I was seeing stars. I took my tool kit and beat myself with the backside of the hammer until my torso and arms were painted delicately in black and blue.

_How beautiful _

And then black came over me.

The next day, despite what aches and pains came over me, and how delightful they felt, I went to the Kirkland home to find Arthur.

He was sitting outside in his rose garden, talking peacefully to some characters I've known since I was little. I never mocked him for it like the others, I figured these must be angel voices, ones that won't hurt him. They were different from mine. They took form into characters like Flying Mint Bunny, and fairies. He swears to me they are real and I try to see them sometimes, but it never works. It always seemed to upset me more than him because I felt as though I had done something wrong to curse me with such evil voices.

I envied Arthur.

Either way, my presence startled him and he immediately stopped talking to whatever character was taking form in front of him. I fell to my knees in front of him as the look of shock grew.

"Arthur, please, please talk to me." I begged

"Alfred, damn you, just go away. " He waited for a moment before adding the last half. I got up in instinct and grabbed his arm.

"I know you don't want that. Please, tell me you don't want me to go away." I cried, feeling similar tears to last night spill down my face.

"I put him in tears." He muttered practically silently. I didn't reply because unlike every goddamn person on this Earth, I knew every single quirk about Arthur Kirkland and I KNEW that that line wasn't for me.

I'm breaking.

"Please, Arthur, you're the only person that makes me happy. If you don't want me around then who does." I felt myself slipping; possibly ready to pass out in his arms this time.

"Alfred-I"

"I know I'm the reason you must be feeling so horrible. I have to be. Everything else in your life is amazing in every way. It hurts me to see you like this, but if I am the problem then I'll just go." I got up, feeling my shame at how ridiculous I just looked in front of him.

"Alfred!" I heard him scream it, but I knew it was best if his _**problem**_ just left.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Arthur's POV**

"No" he murmured. "How could I have ever let this happen." He sobbed suddenly, tears appearing from nowhere.

The blood gushed from the wounds he was creating in his room, mixing with the flood of tears. Arthur's one hope and one lifeline had fallen all because of him. He thought he was the problem. Arthur felt the knife dig into the hot wound. It didn't feel good, but this wasn't meant to. It was meant to distract him, maybe even punish him for having said the things he did.

Either way, Arthur knew that tonight if he went too far he wouldn't mind.

_Alfred wouldn't either_

He kept slashing to the sound of music in the background, moving hurriedly with the blade. He felt rhythmic and beautiful as the blood poured, oozing and burning whatever it touched. Suddenly, he felt himself grow cold as he hit something he's never touched before. Blood started flowing rapidly from his wrist and slowly, ever so slowly, Arthur felt himself melt with the red.

Alfred's POV

After I left, I felt horrible. I cried my eyes out, sitting at a McDonalds right by the subway station that would take me home. I knew I couldn't leave Arthur like this. I wouldn't be able to even look at myself if I knew that I really was his problem. If I went home tonight, I know I would go too far.

So, I started to head back, something in my mind told me to hurry. When I reached the house, I noticed the front door was unlocked, no one was home from what it looked like in the driveway, but even from outside the house I could hear the blaring music. I ran upstairs following the music to Arthur's room. The door was locked and something didn't feel right. I felt a wave of paranoia wash over me as I kicked down the door in instinct.

"Alfred?" There was Arthur, sitting in a pool of blood, his body limp.

"Arthur, my Arthur, my Angel. Please, don't do this. Stay with me." I picked him up in my arms, he smiled at me as I felt tears pour down my cheeks.

"Alfred…Yo-You're not my problem, and you've never been." His hand, which was reaching up against my face, went lifeless suddenly and I was forced to call an ambulance.

"Sir! Sir! You need to let go of him!" They yelled at me, outstretching their arms. To entrust my Arthur to them felt like I was placing him in death already. Still, I handed him over, knowing that it at least gave him a chance.

"He's lost too much blood!" a nurse yelled when we got to the ER.

"Hurry," I said falling to my knees.

_Arthur…_

"Alfred?" He looked up at me from the hospital bed.

"Arthur" I sobbed into his shoulder, trying to be as delicate as I could.

"Alfred, why…why am I here."

"You tried to kill yourself, why, why Arthur!"

"I thought you hated me…" He murmured, looking up at me with his beautiful, electric green eyes. They captivated me through the tears. The fact that he even thought I could hate him sent me crying even further.

"I could never in a million years hate you, Arthur. I love you. I would never ever even think to-nnh" before I could finish, I felt his lips being pushed delicately to mine. It was euphoria, a sense of bliss I could've never imagined in my lifetime.

"You love me?" He said when we finally parted. I caught my breath, as I remembered to breathe again so I could reply.

"It's taken me a while to realize, but yes, I do. I always have. You are my world and to think you could've been taken away from me…I would've joined you in whatever afterlife the ground saw fit." I whispered the last part, bringing my head to his lap.

"Alfred you would never…" He was cut off by a small, balding man that walked into the room. He held a clipboard and looked friendly, but permanently tired with bags under his eyes that would never go away. He didn't look up at first, giving me a moment to remove myself from Arthur.

"So Mr. Arthur Kirkland. May I please speak with you alone?" He was blunt, to the point, but still kind in tone.

"Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of him. It's okay." Arthur flashed a small smile, trying to make himself look as sane as possible. I grabbed his hand under the sheets of the bed, trying to calm both of us.

"Well you took quite a dive. We were all very scared for you and I believe your family was as well."

"I'm aware." Arthur gained the look of a monarch, a president, a ruler of any sort that was staring across at a peasant. He knew what was coming, and I could see the expression of preparation in his eyes.

"Then you're aware of what you did?"

"Yes, I am." The psychiatrist looked surprised for a moment before clearing his throat and continuing.

"Arthur, I want to know why you did that."

"I want to know why I ended up here that way the next time I do it, I can keep this from happening again." My hand tensed in his immediately at the thought of my angel doing this again. I knew it was unavoidable. I know how you get sucked in to it. Still, Arthur did not break concentration, hitting every beat.

"If you aren't willing to share then may I suggest you go to a place where you learn to?"

"A mental hospital?"

"A rehabilitation center more or less. It's calming. It will help you overcome your problems. Your family has already agreed to send you."

"I don't want to go. I don't want to leave." His resolve broke, dire terror coming across his face.

"I think I speak for all of those who care about you when I say it is for the best that you go there." The man stayed calm, seeming even more so now that Arthur was acting like a typical patient.

"But you don't care about me. You're some dumb arse that my family paid." Arthur moved himself closer to me.

"I'm here to help."

"Alfred, tell him I won't go." He looked up at me, making me want to smile and cuddle him against me. I know, I know, now is not the time for my emotions is it?

"Sweetheart." I bent down and placed a kiss to his forehead, much to the surprise of both Arthur and the psychiatrist. "I promise I won't leave your side okay? Just do as he says." Arthur blushed, but looked back up to the man, regaining his resolve.

"Fine, I'll go." With that, the man smiled, nodded and walked out of the room. I followed him.

"You said you wouldn't go!" Arthur whined.

"I'll be right back. I just need to go use the restroom."

I lied…


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Arthur's POV

He loves me…Arthur smiled at the realization. Even if he was depressed and the world still feels like it is crashing around him, maybe it could crash around the both of them.

"Arthur?" the Brit looked up to see a small, fiery, but shy Italian boy peering in from the doorframe.

"Lovino? What are you doing here?" He hadn't expected any visitors and when the wanker said "everyone" he figured that meant the Kirkland's and Alfred.

"I'm here with the Spanish Bastard as well as everyone else. Why the hell would you even think to do something so fucking stupid?" At this he sat up straight. Lovino's tone never changed, but it still frightened him in this topic. Still, the sassiness in Arthur's defense shown through.

"How can you possibly call it stupid when you did the same thing not even a year ago!" He tried not to raise his voice, but he felt scared. He felt like slowly everyone was creeping in on the world he had tried to keep secret for so long.

"Yeah, but I avoided any major veins and arteries, bastard." Arthur was reminded that when Antonio saved Lovino last year, sparking their relationship, Lovino had scars on his upper arms and knees. They were easy to hide and easy to blame on a simple fall, unlike a slit on the wrist.

"Look, Kiku wanted me to give you this." The Italian said, calming down. He handed over a leather bound book that felt chilled in the Brit's hands.

"My journal?" He asked. He really had completely forgot about it. He must've gone months without writing in it.

"Yeah, what the fuck is up with that though? You carried it through all of middle school and now high school acting like it is some sort of fucking treasure." Lovino and Arthur would sit next to each other in Algebra last year and the Italian was constantly interested in what was keeping Arthur so distracted.

"It helped to remind me that I'm not the only person suffering." Arthur murmured, flipping through the pages instinctively.

"What?" Lovino moved closer, overlooking the pages as they scattered by.

"Here," Arthur handed it to him, showing him a date from last year. "Remember when Elizaveta was struggling with transgender disorder?"

"She still is," Elizaveta has always struggled with her femininity. She had a break down in front of Feliciano, Gilbert, and Roderich. This was the event that caused Roderich to move forward and admit his love for her whether she was a he, or an it, or a gender-neutral chibi thing. Eventually Elizaveta told the story to the group and admitted that for now, she's just very confused.

"And when Feliciano nearly got hospitalized after being bullied?" Feli has a habit of getting picked on. He's just an easy target. Last year he got pushed down a flight of stairs, and somehow the bullies managed to get away unscathed by the authorities. Oh, don't worry; the group had their payback.

When someone messes with one of them, they mess with all of them.

"That should've never fucking happened."

"Or when you…" Arthur flipped to another page, showing Lovino the notes he took on his health declination.

"Don't start my story dammit." Lovino said, closing the book.

"How did you stop?"

"Truth be told, I still haven't. It's gotten better but-" Arthur looked up to the boy, thinking that if he and Alfred were to end up together, how different were they from Lovino and Toni?

"But Antonio-"

"Knows that I still struggle. I tried to explain it to the asshole. Having someone there is nice to keep you from going too far, it does help and that person will make things better. However, if the problem is just too fucking deep, you're not going to be able to stop just because they tell you too. I go to the tomato bastard every time it happens, which is not too often now." Lovino looked to the floor, getting lost in a mix of shame and thought.

"And he tells you to stop?" Arthur asked

"No, he asks me what happened, and then we sit and talk about it for hours on end, most of the time until I fall asleep in his arms…damn sneaky bastard." Arthur couldn't tell from the angle, but he thought Lovino was smiling at the thought.

"That sounds sweet, Lovino." Arthur smiled imagining that comfort with Alfred.

"Wake up, Arthur. It's not a fucking fairytale. Alfred isn't going to fix all of your problems because your problems are internally you." The smile was gone and Lovino was in his face. There was no sarcasm or a fake plethora of words. He just spoke with the most honest and genuine warning Arthur had ever heard.

"Thank you," He said, fighting back the urge to cry once more. Lovino moved back, giving the boy some air. He turned around to leave, muttering as he left.

"Good luck in the hospital…It's not as bad as you think." He winked before finally closing the door.

"Thanks, wait what?"

Alfred came back eventually from the bathroom and talked to Arthur all through the night. Mainly Alfred did all of the talking, discussing the elements of coffee and what makes each cup different. Then, talking to him about how he has always wanted to work in NYC so that during Christmas Time he could answer the phone with "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?"

Arthur noticed throughout the constant chatter, that something seemed off about Alfred. His smile was plastered on differently and his eyes seemed watered down, not so pure and concentrated like normal. He tried to put it off as nothing in order to enjoy the fact that he was in Alfred's arms and that Alfred was his.

The next morning, Arthur woke up alone. He cursed Alfred for a second, feeling extremely lonely until he saw a note in the shape of an airplane next to his bed. He opened it up to see Alfred's flimsy chicken scratch across the paper.

_**I'll always be by your side, don't forget that. I'll see you very soon.**_

_**I love you**_

_**-Alfred**_

With the note in hand, Arthur felt empowered enough to get up and get ready to leave for the G8 Mental Institution. It was in a wealthy suburb of NYC and from the outside looked like a fun little hotel. Arthur tried not to get his hopes up. He's seen Terminator(Alfred forced him to watch it when they were kids) and honestly he hoped it was the complete opposite.

He also hoped and wished for Alfred to show up right now. He needed him. He hadn't heard a word from him since the note this morning, which was odd. Either way, he said good-bye to Carlin and Francis, who drove him up here, and started to walk through the seemingly normal doors. He approached a regular receptionist sipping coffee and working diligently.

"Um hello, I'm Arthur Kirkland?" He spoke softly as to not want to disturb her.

"Hello, Arthur, welcome!" She got up and registered him and then proceeded to send him with a psychiatrist looking person who took away any seemingly sharp objects that could be used for suicide. Arthur thought of a million other ways he could if he actually wanted to, but still gave over the things without a fight. The person then proceeded to take him down to his room and then to the common area. When the man finally left, Arthur wandered around a bit, looking through the areas he was allowed to.

He didn't see too many patients until he found a group of them huddled around another honey-blonde that stood out with a genuine laugh you would never think to hear in a mental hospital. Arthur looked once more into a pair of beautiful blue eyes and found himself melting into the floor at the sight.

"Alfred?"


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Alfred's POV

I looked beyond the group I was talking to as avidly as possible, to look into the beautiful green eyes I had been waiting on.

"Arthur!" I smiled and walked over to the boy, placing my hand on his cheek. I had to resist running straight into his arms. I knew that would just cause problems. I kept my eyes locked on his forever, only seeing a single tear fall down his face. Knowing we were being watched, I dragged him off to cafeteria. It would be empty this time of day, but still have chaperones that hopefully won't mind the two of us talking.

"Arthur," I caressed his hair, "I love you so much."

"I love you too. I was so scared. I knew you had to be up to something." He smiled up at me, holding onto my T-shirt.

"I told you, I'm never leaving your side. You aren't getting rid of me." I smiled.

"Like I'd want to." He sat up, "How did you manage to get in here, love? Knowing you, It had to be something involving mass destruction." He seemed to be dreaming about it, wondering what sort of plan I had managed this time.

"Oh, I just called in a favor I suppose." I couldn't tell him now…

"You're the worst liar ever." He grabbed my face and kissed my softly.

"Angel, let's not discuss this." I tried to smile

"Fine, later." He started to deepen the kiss, throwing his legs around my waist. I could feel the chaperones wandering eyes and knew we needed to find someplace a bit quieter….

"Alfred, care to speak?" We sat in a semi circle, a therapist was asking all of us questions. It was a group therapy, something about becoming aware and comfortable with your problems.

"No" I smiled my million watt smile, "No thank you"

"I know you, you're the Jones kid aren't you? The self admitted one." A kid a few chairs down spoke up, wiping his gold colored hair out of his face as he talked. He seemed friendly, just a bit down.

"Felix!" The woman yelled as nicely as she could muster.

"Sorry…" he smiled, shrugging his shoulders.

I spoke up, "It's fine, yeah I am. It was time I got help."

"For what, darling?" The woman intervened, suddenly happy that I was talking. It had taken her three days of therapy now.  
I took a deep breath and slowly started into the story."I've been scared my entire life to be who I want to be. My father, a fantastic man I might add, has always put the pressure on my twin brother and myself. He wanted us to be everything our mother wanted us to be after she died. Mattie had it rough in the beginning because he wasn't everything my father wanted. He struggled with my father looking down on him for years until finally he gave up. Now, I look up to Mattie because he has the courage to be what I could never be, myself. When he came out of the closet to my father a few weeks ago there were almost no repercussions because my father doesn't care anymore. As far as he is concerned I am the only son that fully exists. Most of my friends pitied Mattie through all of school because of this. They thought I had it good when really I would've done anything to disappear. As we grew and life went by I realized I was never going to be anything my Father wanted. I want to go into writing music versus football; I want to love whom I choose and not some random, dim-witted cheerleader that's always standing at my doorstep. I have someone that I've loved for years and I could never come to terms with it just because he's a boy and I knew what would happen if I came out as gay to my father." The entire room was quiet and I could feel Arthur's stare from across the circle.

"and this is why you were hurting yourself?" she pried a bit more.

I smiled, trying to shrug it off as nothing, "My mom made my father leave his 'military tactics' in raising children behind him. So I started knocking some sense into myself because he wouldn't. If I couldn't willingly conform maybe a little pain would teach me. I tried cutting once, but Mattie was easily able to see it. So, I started doing more things with bruises. I'm a football player so bruises are easy to blame on a rough tackle or just a regular practice." After I was finished, a few more kids went and then the lesson was over. I saw Arthur get up, his face expressionless. I ran after him, hoping he wasn't angry.

"Arthur, are you okay?" I grabbed his wrist and pulled him near me. I saw tears in his eyes.

"Why didn't you ever tell me this?" He sputtered

"Maybe I'm too dense." I laughed about the joke all of my friends make that actually hurts a bit…but I would never tell them that. He pulled me down so that we were looking exactly face-to-face.

"You are the most amazing, loving, funny person I have ever met. You are the only ray of sunshine I have on this fucking Earth. To think that you feel that way, it makes me want to just, just…" He kissed me, crying a little in between. He held onto me, refusing to even let go in the slightest, "How did you manage to get in here?"

"Well…"

*** IN THE HOSPITAL ***

"Sir, may I speak with you for a moment?" I walked up to the therapy dude, in the most respectful way.

"Of course." He smiled.

"To gain self-admittance to the hospital Arthur is going to, what would I need to do?" His face dropped in shock.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Jones is it? You actually need to have a reputable problem to be admitted. You seem very healthy to me." He looked like he was about to turn around and leave when I said,

"Of course I appear that way. I always do." I didn't hesitate to raise my shirtsleeve and show my arm, covered in black and blue splotches.

"Where did those come from?" He asked in surprise.

"They're self inflicted. I've suffered with it all my life." I said this plainly, as emotionless as possible.

"If you're lying…" He eyed me, maybe it was common for partners to chase after their lovers through a mental institution…

Kinky.

"There are voices that I could tell you about in extreme detail, sir, I guarantee I would not lie about this." I said

"Aren't you Robert's kid? I thought you hated hospitals after what happened…" At this, I flinched. He was right. I hate all hospitals. I hated being in this one right now. When my mom died, she died by a doctor's hand. He messed up the medication dosage and caused her to go into cardiac arrest. I was in the room with her while it happened. On top of that she rip the needles from her arms and blood started pooling the room. I shuddered, feeling a tear come to my eye.

"When you love someone, you're willing to go through your own pain in order to stay with them." I stood up straight.

"Very well then. I can actually work your admittance as well now that you've told me."

"Thank you." We parted, and I went back to Arthur in order to remain composed.

"You did all of this for me?" His grip tightened on me.

"Of course I did. Now it's you and me against the world. We can do this together, if you want." I smiled down and started drawing circles in his hair.

"It's all I've ever wanted."


	11. Epilogue

Epilogue

"From that point, we battled our problems together. We stayed by each other's side and never left, even when we fought. Arthur still had his relapses, as did I, but we always kept ourselves alive for the other. Years went by, and we remained in this wonderful bliss that can never be explained. He is my best friend, my lover, my boyfriend, and hopefully my husband one day.

"He's all I could ever ask for in life

"And even though we still have many conflicts ahead of us, like my father who still doesn't know about our relationship, I know we will make it through.

"I think back to some things you said to me, Mom, about always being myself and always loving everyone I could. I've been failing you since your death. I kept thinking that because of the fact that you died by a doctor's hand, I could take the anger I felt towards hospitals and doctors and turn it into success, even if the success wasn't the success I wanted.

"I came here because I thought you should know that I am finally myself, I am finally the person I want to be. I am with this amazing man that makes me feel happy again. I know you would approve of our relationship, so why am I even here? I guess I just wanted to tell you in person…

"I love Arthur Kirkland, and I always will. "


End file.
